Missing You
Title: Missing You
Author: terytrixie
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Sauli Koskinen
Summary: Sauli knew that this separation was short. Compared to the other times they had been apart earlier in their relationship it was basically nothing.
Word Count: 2,961
Disclaimer: This is the first time I attempt to write a fic, so please DON’T be gentle! I need the constructive criticism.

Two hours and only four technical failures later they finally finished recording Tutka. This was a new record in his opinion. Katri had stated that she believes there will be a time in the near future when they’d be able to go through a whole recording session without a single problem. Both laughed at that ridiculous statement. Then her face suddenly became serious when she asked “Why didn’t you go with him? I can see how much you miss him!”
“He has too much work during this whole week. If I went, I’d be just another thing he has on his mind.” Sauli shakes his head, smiling ruefully “I don’t want to bother him, Katri.”
And of course he missed Adam. So, so much.
Without him the house was really not the same. There were still tons of shoes in the closet and next to the front door, but no one to scatter them around while trying to find the best pair for the day. All clothes were carefully folded away; none of his jackets were lying around on the furniture like they used to. Even their bathroom looked different in Sauli’s eyes. All of the products, towels and mirrors were in their places. But Sauli missed the playfulness of their daily routines – tickling each other while brushing their teeth, stealing sweet kisses, making love in the shower cabin, or just enjoying a quiet bath together. The smell of Adam’s rich cologne was still lingering in the air in the bedroom, in the closet and in some corners of the living room. But most of all, the house was quiet. Way too quiet. He hadn’t been aware of how used to Adam’s constant humming and singing he had become. He sang along to pretty much everything, always changing up the melody. Sauli was sure this was something he did without realizing. Now the house felt so soulless without his voice.
Sauli knew that this separation was short. Compared to the other times they had been apart earlier in their relationship it was basically nothing.
But it was different this time. They got attuned to each other. They fell in love.
“Anyway, I have to do some grocery shopping,” he told Katri excited “We’re having an EMAs watching party tomorrow.”
“Oh, so you’re gonna show him off to your friends. Why am I not surprised!” she chuckled and waved him goodbye.
Sauli closed his laptop and went out to the nearest supermarket, planning tomorrow’s lunch party at the house with all of his new Finnish friends. Tomorrow was the day of his one year anniversary with Adam. It would have been much better, if they could spend the whole day in bed together, but he would never want to interfere with Adam’s work. Queen asked him to perform with them on the show (a huge smile appears on Sauli’s face every time he remembers Adam’s excitement at the news!) so he was away for a few days in the UK and Northern Ireland, working. Sauli had the opportunity to go with him, but he chose not to. This moment was Adam’s and only his to enjoy.
His cell ringing in his pocket startled him. It was Adam.
“Hey, sweetie!” hearing his voice was like Christmas and New Year’s Eve happening at once.
“Hi, my love! How is Ireland?” Sauli asked cheerfully, completely forgetting about the wine bottle that he was going to get from the shelf. The answer was more enthusiastic and funny than he expected “Green!!!” It made him grin like the love struck idiot that he was and lean against the shelf with wine bottles. He teased him. “I hope you’re not doing any greening without me! Aren’t you supposed to be in rehearsal for the show right now?”
Adam’s lush laugh came from the other line. Sauli took a moment to fully enjoy it, closing his eyes. Dammit, he wanted him back yesterday!
“Of course I’m not, love! And we’re not in Belfast yet. There was some publicity stuff that needed fixing,” he sighs, sounding more excited than tired. “What are you doing?”
“I’m preparing for the viewing party tomorrow.”
“I can’t wait for your review!” Adam sounds even more excited, if that’s possible “Queen, Sauli! Queen!
It’s his turn to laugh. “I’m so happy for you! All of us will be here waiting for your performance. Petra even promised to bring her blueberry pie to celebrate.”
“Oh, come on! This is just cruel teasing,” he groans jokingly. The sound is doing funny things to Sauli, which really aren’t appropriate for the supermarket. He finally decides to put two bottles in his cart and move down the aisle. Suddenly Adam’s voice became serious “I really wish I was there, Sauli. I promise I’m gonna make it up to you when I get home!”
“I know you will, Adam. Don’t worry about it, really! Enjoy this special performance and when you get home, we’ll have all the time in the world to catch up.”
“Mmm, I like your plan!” the huskiness of his tone, made Sauli grip the cart harder. He could feel nice vibrations going through his whole body.
Then the moment was interrupted by muffled voices coming from Adam’s side. They ended the conversation with more sweet promises and a few sighs.
Sauli really needed time to move faster.


Adam never really understood time zones, but Sauli couldn’t complain about it. There was nothing quite like being woken up by his adorable calls or texts. Today was no exception.
“Happy anniversaryyyyyyy!” an extremely cheerful Adam greeted him. If this wasn’t the best wake-up call, he didn’t know what was.
“Happy anniversary to you too, my love!” he turned over, burying his face in Adam’s pillow. He needed to smell his scent as well as hear his voice. This morning was turning out perfectly already! “I love you so much!”
“I love you too,” his better half chuckled happily, adding “I have a surprise for you. For our anniversary.”
“But Adam, I haven’t bought you anything yet!” Sauli stood abruptly in the bed, trying to figure out what he could give to him in return. He really had no idea.
“You don’t need to” was the soft answer. The doorbell rang loudly, making Sauli jump a bit.
“I gotta go, someone is at the door.”
Adam chuckled. “No, don’t hang up. It’s my surprise.”
Sauli stopped only to wrap the sheet around him, before he ran for the door. The delivery guy just looked at him unimpressed and gave him a heavy package.
“What is it?” he asked with bated breath, unwrapping the paper quickly and opening the package. “Adam!”
There was a bottle of expensive champagne and a box with chocolate covered strawberries and truffles. It had Adam written all over it. Because he was the type of person, who won’t forget about his loved one even for a minute. Only he would send such a gift, filled with love, from across the ocean. No matter how busy he was that day.
Sauli had never felt so loved in his life. It suddenly hit him that this was for him, this was real. He just kept staring at the open package in wonder.
“Sauli… love… what’s wrong? Don’t you like it?” oh no, Adam was worried! He had kept silent for a long time.
“No, nothing is wrong. I’m just…” he sighed heavily “Thank you, Adam! I love it! But you didn’t need to stop your work to send me a present.”
“Oh, this is not it, love. This is my promise for more when I finally get back home,” he could feel Adam’s warm smile at those words, the longing.
His answer was a soft whisper “I can’t wait.” He picked up the champagne bottle, examining it. It was heavy and solid, filled with the shiny rich liquid. “Now go have the best time performing with Queen!” he added after that “Good luck!”
“Thanks! I love you, Sauli.”
“I love you too.”
He hung up and took the little box with truffles from the package with a loving smile. There was a note on the bottom, where the box had been. It had only one word on it ‘Love’.
From then on it was a bit easier to spend the day away from Adam. He kept the momentum he had with the gift and sent Sauli texts every few minutes - funny comments on the Irish accents, more excitement about the performance and the show itself, and many pictures of the beautiful nature.
At around noon he got a picture of a pair of blue shoes, which made him chuckle. Adam was really going with the blue theme for the EMAs, just like he said he would.
Sauli smiled and typed ‘Very blue, I like it.’
His friends started showing up in small groups just as he finished preparing the snacks for their viewing party. Petra wasn’t the only one bringing something from home. Markus and Janne brought enough beer for an army, and Anna – her favorite cabbage rolls. The show was a bit weird at times, but definitely interesting. Sauli tried to keep up with his friends’ commentaries on the performances, but he was too distracted. The only performance he really cared about was Adam’s.
“When is your man on?” asked Markus after a while, looking bored.
“At the end of the show.”
“I hope it’s soon,” he shook his head amused “It’s already too long.”
And then the last number of the show was announced. He watched with a growing smile the silhouette of Adam on the stage with Queen. The light was just outlining his body, not showing his face so the focus could be on his incredible voice. It was pure magic watching Adam sing those iconic songs, strutting around the stage like he owned every inch of it. He belonged there and it was a pleasure for everyone to see that.
Then a worrying thought made its way into his head. Sauli rarely let his insecurities show, but he couldn’t lie to himself. There were times, like now, when he wondered if he was really deserving of Adam. His boyfriend was not only an incredibly talented artist, but also all things he liked in a man wrapped into one – generous, sexy, caring, goofy, and beautiful. Not one to question his good fortune, he couldn’t help but sometimes ask “Why me?”.
Venla handed him another beer, thus saving him from his doubts. He smiled at her and drank most of it at once. His life was amazing, this moment was special, and he was with his closest friends. Sauli had no reason to let doubts like this ruin it all for him.


A couple of hours later his friends had left the house and Sauli finished most of the cleaning up. He sat on the couch in the living room, sighing happily. Adam was probably still caught up doing press after the show. It would take some time before he could call him. Besides this was such a great moment, maybe he should be out celebrating it, not lock himself in a hotel room.
Sauli laid comfortably on the couch. He caught a Community marathon on his TV and started watching it, letting his mind wander easily.
When his cell rang sometime later, he didn’t need to check the caller ID before picking up “You were amazing!” was the first thing he said.
“Thank you,” Adam couldn’t sound happier than that, which in turn made Sauli full of joy “I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that it actually happened. Wow!
“Are you gonna celebrate now?”
There was the sound of rustling sheets. “Nah, I don’t really feel like partying right now… I wish you were here, so we can celebrate both occasions properly.”
Sauli smiled, saying softly “Me too” He felt a bit tired from the excitement of the viewing party. He wondered how Adam must feel right now.
“What are you doing now?”
“Nothing, just watching some TV in the living room. But nothing is interesting after that performance, you know. Especially that strut during ‘We Will Rock You’!”
He could never get tired of hearing Adam’s beautiful laugh. “Flattery will get you everywhere, my love. I need to watch it. Maybe tomorrow, if I have time…” Adam sighed heavily. That simple sound was not supposed to catch his attention so much. But Adam’s soft voice mixed with his longing for him made Sauli’s body hum happily. He wasn’t surprised to feel he was getting hard. A few days without Adam was really too much.
“You can always watch it later,” he said, palming himself lightly “What type of work do you have tomorrow?”
He let Adam talk about his busy day tomorrow, listening only to the sound of his voice. It made him feel warm all over, like he was being held by him. It felt so good. Sauli unzipped his pants and started stroking himself lazily. He didn’t notice when Adam had stopped mid-sentence.
“Sauli?” his tone was amused and curious “Are you jerking off right now?”
“Yes” he admitted completely unashamed and sped up a bit, panting. Adam groaned low “So hot!” which made him get fully hard. He needed him right now. So much.
“You were the hot one today. So incredible on that stage,” Sauli barely suppressed a whimper. He could here Adam’s breathing coming in short from the other side “Like some exotic animal. And you had everyone in that theater staring at you…”
“Are you jealous?” Adam asks almost out of breath. His voice has turned from husky to pure sex. Sauli can hardly take it. He grips the base of his cock harder, throwing his head back on the couch cushions and moans loudly. That voice will be the end of him someday. “Oh God, Sauli!”
“Of course I was! A part of me wanted to yell at each of them that you’re mine… and they can never have you!”
“Sauli!” he moaned his name, which was almost enough to finish him.
“You’re way too perfect, way too sexy, Adam” Sauli was close and by the way Adam’s breath hitched he knew his lover was too. “Sometimes I just wanna hear you’re mine.”
“Yours. Always” said Adam, moaning even louder.
Sauli came so hard hearing those perfect words, he blacked out for a few seconds. When he came back around, he gripped his cell harder, listening in. Adam was still on the line, breathing just as hard as him. Closing his eyes, Sauli took a moment to enjoy the bliss.
“Sauli… I love you,” Adam whispered after a couple of minutes “Please, don’t doubt that!”
“I don’t, my love. I know.”
“I’ve never heard you sound jealous before…”
“It’s just that…” Sauli rubbed his eyes tiredly “I feel completely blessed to be with you, I’m really happy! But sometimes I wonder why me. Why did you choose me?”
He closed his eyes, a bit ashamed of himself for asking that. His insecurities weren’t so strong and he didn’t want to make Adam feel bad. Then why did he ask that over the phone!?
“Sauli, listen to me…” his words were filled with love, just like always “I chose you because you’re the most genuine, gorgeous and nice person I have ever met. You’re positive enough for both of us. And…” he chuckled softly “I’m sure you’re probably the only one who can handle it all. All of me, all of the madness around me without complaining even once. You make me be better with your love. I’m the blessed one here.”
For the second time today Sauli felt speechless. He hadn’t noticed that his eyes had started to sting. Happiness can be so overwhelming.
“You have no idea how much I love you, Adam!” he said, choking a bit.
“I think I have. I’m going to prove you I’m yours and yours only when I get back home, I promise!” Sauli wondered if his heart could feel any fuller than this… “I love you!”
“I love you too!”

Life :)
I was at uni much earlier than expected today. Walking early into a lecture is really not my thing, so I sat in the hallway waiting for my friend to arrive. Like always, he was incredibly late...
There was this young cute professor sitting next to me, who literally got assaulted by a few of his students. They were a group of girls, surrounding him, demanding to know their scores from a test. One girl even tried to grab the paper out of his hands.
It was both hilarious and scary to watch. I felt like watching a wolf get attacked by vultures. Haha.
After they all went away, I started chatting with him. I asked him (mostly jokingly) if he gets scared when students surround him like that. Of course he said it doesn't bother him, but I'm sure it did. At least a bit ;)
That professor had a really nice presence about him and the more we talked, the more fun it was. It almost felt like talking to an old friend. So we exchanged numbers and hopefully could get a chance to chat some more.
I'm not bothered by people's age or occupation at all, but saying that I have a new friend who teaches at my university feels nice, hehe :)
That was a nice day!

Writer's Block: Subtitles please
What is your favorite foreign film? Do you think there should be an American remake?

'Amelie' and 'Love me if you dare'
and nope, the films should stay as they are.. no remakes ffs xD

Writer's Block: Out, Out Damn Spot!
Have you ever been passionate about something to the point of an obsession? If so, how did it impact the rest of your life? Did you ever (or would you want to) break free?

I don't think so.. There are a lot of people around me who have all sorts of obsessions and that's the reason why I'm careful not to become like them - I've seen what an obsession does to them, it's anything but pretty
It's not always horrible or dangerous, but obsessions are simply not for me :)

Writer's Block: For your viewing pleasure
What was the best movie of the year so far? Does it have the potential to become a classic?

Definitely Inception! It really has the potential of becoming a classic and also a great example for how summer blockbusters can have both effects and story... This movie is the best so far, without a doubt (: 

Writer's Block: The tenth time's the charm
What movie have you seen the most times in your life? How many times have you seen it? Will you ever grow tired of it?

I used to watch Batman & Robin again - just for laughs :D But not so much anymore
Usually I don't watch a movie countless of times, but I've watched Casablanca, The Devil wears Prada, Singing in the rain and some of the Star Trek movies more than three times... I guess that counts.

Writer's Block: Twilight is nearing
How do you feel about the upcoming Twilight film? Are you a fan or a critical bystander?

I simply don't care. It would be better if they stop making these movies, but that's inevitable since Twiliight is Hollywood's favorite cash cow at the moment xD
At least it will all be over after a couple of years. Hopefully the vampire genre will become respected again..

Writer's Block: Future forward
What is the best science fiction movie of all time, and why?

Star Trek II - but maybe because it's my favorite sci-fi movie =))
...though Back to the Future trilogy and Avatar also deserve mention

Writer's Block: Nature v. nurture
In your opinion, how much of our personality is genetic, and how much is shaped by environmental factors?

I agree that our personality is not genetic. There's no way your genes can determine whether you'll have temper or not. lolz. True, some illnesses can alter your reactions and make you less or more moody. But the whole personality? Nope, it all comes to environmental factors. So I'll say its 0/100 :))

Writer's Block: High school musical
If you had to choose a theme song for your middle or high school years, what would it be, and why?

Shakira - La tortura
Evanescence - Everybody's fool
Katatonia - Deliberation
Well... the main reason is that high school was a mixed experience, quite interesting (:


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